’ ‘I can tell you, if you want to know.’ ‘I do.’ Her eyes locked onto mine. ‘There’s an energy that shows up between two people when the...kiss is wanted on both sides. I wait for that energy. I want to kiss you. I wanted to kiss you after I bandaged your knee. I haven’t felt the energy from you.’ ‘You haven’t felt it, because I’m afraid. Let me do this my way, please.’ I nodded. I even took a bite of my dinner. ‘On our second date I felt that energy from you and I almost ran away. In my history. You take off your top completely and pass him the bottle. He can’t take his eyes off your tits. You roll over and pass him the bottle of lotion. Nothing happens for a second or two and then you feel the boy sitting on the edge of the sun bed. You feel the cold lotion drop on your back and his hands slowly rubbing the lotion over your body in circular motions. You have always loved have lotion rubbed on your back and thought of this young man with a big erection makes you feel very horny. You. “Mmmmmm. Felt good huh? I know it’s been a long time for you but see, you’ve still got it.“I’ve been single all my life. Never found the right guy, possibly because I’ve always liked ‘guys’. I did the usual backseat and after school screwing in high school but didn’t really enjoy sex until college. A couple of older men showed me how it ought to be done and then it took more than one boyfriend to keep me satisfied. In the work world my looks attracted the cool guys with money and I later became. She agonized and over-dramatized, just like me, battled her insecurity and every terrible little what-if that she could think of. Just like me. Just like—everybody, I guess. *** That was my milestone, the key definer, the note that would ring for the rest of my life. Seeing her there, at her most private, guard down, vulnerable, human, for real for the very first time, and as scared as I was… that cut the last cord of caution for me, the last qualifier I had set up in defence against what I.
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