I felt humiliated and embarrassed to be seen as nothing more than a sexobject.I learnt then from Nasrullah, that because of the fact that I alwaysarri...ed in just my crop top and yoga pants I was considered to be asingle unattached woman by the sons and brothers of the more modestlydressed women who attended the class, and they saw my crop top as reallybeing a sports bra and I sign that, let's say euphemistically, I waslooking for a boyfriend which is why I became the subject of a lot ofunwanted. I felt a twinge of excitement in my chest and told her that would be fine.“Daddy,” she said.“Yes, baby?”“Just so you know, the party is at the same place as last time”“OK,” I said, trying not to let me voice crack, “you have fun then.” She giggled and hung up. Later that night I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of Fabio’s. I looked at my face in the rear view.“What the hell am I doing?” I asked it.Well, you’re about to go in there and watch your little girl fuck another little girl and. Sarah started with my eyes and eyelashesand then eye liner and then my checks.then she picked out some lipstick that was a red color.and showed me how to do my lips to make it look right.then she went to my mom's bedroom and came back with a blonde wig and put it on my head and brushed it out.She then told me to stand up and let her see how i looked and she said i was beautiful and then she went to her bed and picked up this tiny little dress and it was little she told me to put it on and then. It wasn'tpermanent. One week as a woman, while it would have seemed like a punishmentan hour or so ago, seemed more like an exploratory expedition now. Or like Iwas testing out a new outfit. Or test driving a new car.I felt dizzy with the possibilities. Was there a chance I would never be aman again? That I would never be Ian again?Why did that idea simultaneously terrify AND thrill me?"One week," I said. I could barely look at her, feeling a bit sick that Iwas just signing my gender over to.
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