”“Yet you probe me all the time.”“That's because you want it, almost all the time.”“That's not... ok yeah I do so what,” she laughed.“...xactly my point.”We joked the whole ride until we ended up on Stephanie and Chris' side of town. We rode past a lot of places I thought she was gonna stop at until we came across the park that ends right before the beach on their side of town starts, and she pulled in. She parked and we got out and she opened the trunk, where she pulled out a big picnic basket. As I stirred from my sleep, I remembered the last night. Looking over, I saw that Jeff has already left the bed. My mind was aflutter. "Why did I do that last night. I'm notturning gay am I??"Trying to justify it in my mind, I started to think of men. Naked men. As I thought of various mental pictures, I didn't feel athing. No sexual turn on, no reaction, nothing."Must have been my hormones or something", I thought as I got up and walked into the walking in closet in our room. Once I. "Hey, stop! Stop! Talk to me," I pleaded to his in-his-own-ecstatic-moment face, my mind whirling with the conflict of reality versus "What Was Supposed to Be." "Aren't you supposed to ask me if I'm ready emotionally and physically?" I threw words I had read online to him, my anchors for the moment.He started blankly at me. "Er, no. You seemed ready." He was so matter-of-fact that I burst into tears and laughter at the same time. I had just lost my virginity, to an utterly insensitive guy I was. I started a collection of sexy lingerie, scouring the shops for the most seductive garments I could find."I would put on those flimsy clothes and would stand or sit in front of a large mirror. I'd let myself be seduced by that woman I saw in the mirror who was removing her underwear in the most sensual, most suggestive way possible. And later, when I masturbated, I made love to that beautiful creature who writhed and moaned under my expert touch."That was the most romantic description of a.
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