She was looking forward to me coming to Sweden in 18 months or so. It would be a long wait for both of us.Even if I wasn’t in Stockholm, the country...was small enough, and the trains and busses were inexpensive enough, that we could visit quite a bit. Her parents already assumed she’d come to wherever I was as often as possible. She encouraged me to do what she was doing - find someone to date and develop a relationship with. She didn’t see any danger in it and a lot of value.I didn’t ask, but. I had collapsed on the couch and instead of hating it i was enjoying being used like this i found myself moaning and telling him to fuk me harder to use me like a whore i looked up into the wall mirror i saw a woman in lust i saw him behind me his big black muscled chest his hands on my shoulders it looked so amazing his skin on mine then he picks up the pace harder and faster than before i feel him tense up then he shootsa huge load inside me the feeling was amazing i came again a final time. My friend who has walked through this entire mess with me said to me: “I know why God’s ignoring you.”Me:”Why, other than the fact I’m an asshole?”Friend: “You killed God. You’ve spent your entire life searching for wisdom. You’ve studied religion, magick, psychology, all of it. You killed your belief in god long before you ever got sick. When you faced that darkness you knew you were the only one there and that you couldn’t answer your own prayer.”Me: “Wait a minute, You’re saying I’m mad at. We were venturing into new territory. My baby was a beautiful woman. I had told her that many times and had always thought she did not believe it at all. She was a red head. I loved gingers. Her hair back then was long, below her shoulders and naturally wavy, maybe even frizzy on humid days. She had fit in great during our hippie days earlier in the 70s. Her skin was creamy Irish and her tits were pale and perky, and had very large pink nipples that got long and hard when she was turned on..
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